The Wink Face or my pathetic attempt to add more pictures.

I'm about to embarrass the crap out of myself.

Like for reals.

I have no idea what is possessing me to think this might even remotely be a good idea, but I figure, its Wednesday and we all could use a laugh and what the hell... why not laugh at my expense?

You. are. welcome.*

So remember last week (I do not post enough) when I winked at you at the end of my post and declared it is really hard to take a winking picture? Well, I thought I'd give you the proof of the difficulty I had in making this happen for you guys.

Attempt #1.

 As you can see this is failure at its finest. I personally thought it was so bad that I made it a pretty color so your eyes won't completely be burned.

Attempt #2

I look like I got something in my eye on this one and it hurts.. REAL BAD.

FYI, there was nothing in my eye.

Attempt #3.

In which I saved it under "Scream" in My Pictures folder since I am obviously replicating the Scream Mask we have all come to love and adore.

And LAST but not LEAST:

Attempt #4.

The obvious winner considering I got the cute little crinkly winky nose in it. YAY ME!

high fives all around.

*I hate this phrase. I really, really do.

You've been [semi] warned. I should probably divulge a little more information than this...

I was going to write about how I have serious anger managment/temper issues.. but I'm getting too pissed off because I can't find the right way to put it.

Bottom line, I have a temper.
Don't egg me on.. or do and see what happens.
Your choice.

Obviously this face is much better in person because I'm not trying to pose for it.
also, I got mad that I couldn't get a good picture but I'm at work and this is the best I can do. SO I'll just have to live with it.

Basically, things make me fly off the handle at the drop of a hat. It's bad. I'm constantly working on not getting so angry or worked up over stupid things, but usually I just get frustrated, which makes me angry, then I stress out over being angry all the time. It is a vicious cycle.

Will this make you like me a little more?
No?
I can deal with that.

[insert segway here since I've got nothing good to say as a transition]

Something awesome happened this week.

Blunt (Brit) over at Blunt Delivery told everyone that I'm better than Ke$ha.. or something like that. :]

She made me blush immensely in all kinds of weird places.

So if you are travelling here from over in Blunt's world....

Don't ask.. I have been playing with picnik.. okay??

*****

More to come this week (and probably next) when I talk about my need of acceptance and my epic laziness.

Get excited.

I am beautiful... right?

Photo by Mo Hnatiuk

This is me.
Vulnerable.
In this picture, beautiful.

It cracks me up how beautiful I feel I look in this picture when the day it was taken, I was bitching about how I hadn't showered (gross) and had yesterday's make up still on my face. I stood in a bedroom of an apartment, covering up the naughty parts and stood there listening to my best friend snap photo after photo of my back.

It takes a lot for me to feel beautiful.
I, like so many others, struggle to find the beauty in myself.

People tell me I'm beautiful/pretty/hott/kablammy/whatever all the time.
But rarely do I see what they are talking about.

When those rare moments happen, and I can look in the mirror and cat call to myself, I find myself feeling radiant and ready to strut.
In fact, I do strut. Right on down the stairs to my mom and say "LOOKY LOOKY!"

Then, I go out and am immediately faced with self doubt and my inner voice. 

"No one is looking at you"
"You really thought you looked good? HAH?!"
"See that girl? You couldn't look like that if you tried."

Just like everyone else, my inner voice is an asshole.
and it makes me feel like tar ALL THE TIME.

I'm good at hiding my insecurities with being funny and witty.
I'm able to put on a good face and pretend to have a good time when I'm out.
Until someone gets me on my own and talking and I word vomit my insecurities all over them. Seriously, I get myself into a lot of messy conversations because I can't shut my effing mouth. EVER.


I'm scared for Florida.
All those people and their judgy eyes.
Who have been toning their bodies for months to have that perfect Florida look or a beach body if you will.
But, I will just go, do my thing, and enjoy because I'll kick myself later if I don't purely based on how icky I think my body/face is.
I don't want to be looked at like that girl who is trying to hard or the girl who could use a little more effort.

I really just want to be seen for me.

This is why I'm so grateful for this new project happening out on the interwebz.
I love what The Curvy Girl Guide is doing.
Talking about Real Girls with Real Curves.
I subscribed the moment I found out what they were doing.
You probably should too.
What they have to say is beautiful.
and real.

11:11, Woo Girls and the Exclamation Point.

Today is 11/11.

Possibly one of my favorite days of the year.

I wish I could glitterfy 11/11 so you all see how magical and lovely this day is.
I mean seriously, 11/11. 11:11. 11-11. 1111. It doesn't matter how you write/type it, it's just so purdyful. :]

okay, so I went and googled glitter 11/11 and it gave me a picture of possibly the creepiest baby ever. I learned my lesson.

So yes, I love today. I think it is a wonderful day.
I also think it is wonderful that today is to honor our Veteran's.
What a wonderful day. :]

****

On another note..

It dawned on me today, while peeing, that I get a little over excited when my favorite bloggers/people mention my name/follow me/comment/whatever and tend to overuse the exclamation point.

I am not an exclamation point type of girl you see.
I envision those people in my head as a "woo girl", if you haven't seen How I Met Your Mother's "Woo Girl" episode, watch it, you'll understand what I mean. 


In fact, here is my very first Vlog in which I try to explain what I mean. 

*WARNING* I "woo" very loudly in the middle, turn your volume down if you don't want to burst your ear drums.

Well, that was awkward. My dad is sitting in the next room and just had to bear witness to that.. kind of. I totally made him shut the door because this is nervewracking and embarrassing.
So yeah, my view on the exclamation point.
I don't want to be one of those overly excited people so I clearly need to work on my use of them. 


What do you think about exclamation points?