The week of Christmas.
Are you still rushing around trying to get all your presents?
If you aren't,
You see, I thought I was totally done this weekend after a fun day shopping with my mother. We laughed, we cried (from laughing so hard) and we thought I had finally finished my shopping.
Until my parents went all Barbra Streisand and Rained on my Parade, (a terrible Funny Girl reference) and told me about 13538952786 other people I need to buy for still.
!!!!!!!!!!
what the hell?
I thought I was done with the awful thing that is Christmas shopping.
I thought I was done driving west bound on my own road for 40 minutes trying to get to the stores that are less than 3 miles away (fact)
but NOOOOOOO, they tell me now, that there are others to buy for.
I'm going to Meijer.
they are getting meijer gifts because it isn't going to take 2 hours for me to get there.
***
Now that we got that rant out of the way, I want to share with you my list of people I can't stand being around while Christmas Shopping/shopping in general.
These people make me all stabby and irrational.
Not a good combination.
1. The Sick Guy: You know this person. The one that coughs/sneezes/ew's all over EVERYTHING including you. The one that doesn't know that you should cough into your (as in your own) elbow and not into your hands or (DUH) the air. Yeah, that asshole. Whenever I get stuck around this person, and I always do, I want to drench myself in bleach to get those germs off of me.
IF YOU ARE SICK, DON'T GO SHOPPING. ASS.
2. The Loud Talker: Now, everyone is a little guilty of this including me, but that person that talks REALLY loud on their cell phone? Yeah, I absolutely abhor those people. It's like their only mission is to give me a head ache and make shopping way more unpleasant than it should be. Also, I don't need to know about your cousin's ingrown toenail, how Joey got busted doin' the dirty with Louise.. or was it Louis? Or that your doctor said the bumps should be gone in a few weeks thanks to this ointment you've been paying $252457 for.
Let's all take into consideration the volume of our voices when at the mall, or just call that person back later.
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| Covered #1 & #2 with one picture. SCORE. (via) |
3. The Group Walker: I am not one that likes to shop alone, but I also don't want to shop with a hoard of people. This group, 4+ people, is ALWAYS in the way and perpetually SLOW WALKING. This is the group of people there is no passing room on either side so you'd have to actually cut through them to get around them. WHAT THE HECK? Why is it necessary for anyone to go shopping with more than 1 other person? I can barely keep track of myself let alone 252345 other people so why in the world would you need to slowly walk in a giant group through the mall? I DON'T GET IT.
WHY MUST YOU GO TO THE MALL IN GROUPS????
4. The Browser: Okay, now before you all go crazy and tell me that we are all browsers, I want you to know I'm talking about the browser that stands in line and STILL SHOPS. The one who turns to you and says "will you hold my place in line, I'll be right back". This is also the person that holds up the line because they just have to touch every bouncy ball, eraser, and any other knick knacks that are in line with you. There is no reason for this person to hold up the line and more than it already is by the 100 people standing in front of them. This person makes me want to punch them in the face. Regularly.
MOVE PEOPLE. MOVE.
this is my absolute least favorite.
This one makes me want to take the knives (that I don't own) and start stabbing things randomly, especially this person.
5. The Bubble Burster: This person, the one looking at books by you, or (more likely) standing in line behind you has zero concept of personal space. They are all up in your grill. No. Matter. What.
BACK THE HELL UP. RIGHT NOW.
EXAMPLE:
Recently, a bubble burster was in my vicinity as well as my mom's. We were standing in line at Border's chatting and being thoroughly annoyed with The Browser that was in front of us touching EVERY LITTLE EFFING KNICK KNACK, when we sensed it. Someone was way too close to us. My mom leaned into me and whispered "the lady behind us is like way WAY too close" I told her to take a step forward. She did. The bubble burster followed and stepped no closer than 3cm away from us. REALLY? I pushed (okay more like moved her very gently) my mom forward and told her I'd deal with it. I'd step forward, she'd step forward. Then the bubble burster became everything I HATE about shopping, the sick guy, the loud talker AND the browser. WHAT THE FRICK? She stepped on me no less than 3214 times and actually touched my mom's butt. WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY INAPPROPRIATE unless your my dad(EW). I finally looked at my mother and told her I couldn't handle it anymore, otherwise I was going to end up in the corner rocking back and forth crying and screaming. This woman was coughing and sneezing everywhere she went, which clearly was just moving closer and closer to us.
I don't think I've ever wanted to stab anyone as badly as that woman.
***
You know, I don't think shopping would be that bad if those assholes weren't out there roaming the malls & stores.
SO, what is your least favorite thing about shopping?
Have a personal pet peeve shopper to share?
