I just really needed to vent today.
Here goes..
Timer on in 3...2...1... Go.
I feel lost today. I'm laying in my bed, watching Bones, (which is possibly the best show ever) and I'm making this creature. Thats what I do, I get all weird and I start crafting, after I force myself of course because I need somehting to keep me distracted from the crap that is happening around me.
So I'm making this creature, before I had made owls because owls are my favorite animal in the world. Then I saw a star on an episode of Bones, yes I'm obsessed, and decided to make a star creature.. only instead of it being cutesy and bright, it turned kind of creepy and ugly, and despite the whole i could change it and make it into a pretty thing, I just keep moving forward and making the damn star creepier and creepier. I'll have to post a picture of this thing at some point.
I think I'm projecting my feelings of myself and the current state of my life through my star. It's weird because I didn't realize it until I stopped sewing today to organize my box of equipment and looked at it and just stopped in awe. It was like I was looking at myself through the eyes of a child. Don't you ever see the crime shows where there is an abused child, who destroys her barbie, because psychologically, that is how they see themselves. Now, I'm not abused so don't worry there, I'm just...
Yeah.
I'm just. Just.
Is that weird?
**
and thats time.
Stella Bella Ella Wella... don't make your star ugly. Literally and metaphorically. He's not worth it. In fact, to him I say "Pound sand," as a very bright, wise young woman once said ;).
ReplyDeleteAm I weird for wanting to see a picture of the star?
ReplyDeleteI love it. What a great window to your soul. My writing is often my window but even then I keep a bit of a forcefield up. Keep going. And then make something totally beautiful.
ReplyDelete@babe- it actually isn't him making me feel like this.
ReplyDelete@Tiffany - no, I'm getting ready to post the picture since I just finished it.
@Fadra - I'm working on remembering the beautiful. Then, I think that the beautiful will come my way..
I love Bones... I miss way too many episodes of it, but I love it all the same...
ReplyDeletealso - when I read Star Creature I thought of Dora the Explorer and her Star Catcher... almost sad what my life has become, except it's not, because it's become the life of a mother, of an amazing-strong-willed-hilarious toddler... but still. The Dora part might be a little sad. ;)
I think sometimes we need to get lost in order to find our way... a new, healthier, better, prettier, whatever way... but a way that is different than the way we've been going... hopefully your new way helps you to not feel lost... I hope it's a great way.
Love this! Love that you are expressing yourself through your art. If its therapeutic, who cares what the end result is?
ReplyDeleteBTW...LOVE the star.
And yes, I too use either writing, gardening, jewelry making to escape, avoid, ignore the things around I'm not prepared to face.
Uhm, that star isn't ugly. It's downright adorable. Just like you. You're nuts. If that's what you think is ugly, no wonder you're gloomy. The real ugliness in the world must be too much to bear. Seriously, it's wuh-dorable.
ReplyDeleteI love that star!!! You should make them and sell them. :)
ReplyDeleteI actually really want to sell my work.
ReplyDeleteBUT, I'm trying to build up a collection and figure out the best pricing options.