Thursday, October 28, 2010

A sharing of a nightmare.

Today I have Midwestern Mama sharing with us her worst (i think) nightmare. I'm sharing another ghost story on Saturday, October 30, so go on over there and check her out and love on her immensly cause she rocked my socks right off, twice.

Without further ado... Midwestern Mama!!!


Ive had this recurring dream for as long as I can remember. I can even remember having it as kid.

It always starts out the same. I’m playing in this big old house, it’s filled with old antiques and the banister of the stairs is a combination of wrought iron and dark wood. It has a large angel on the hand pad of the rail. It scares me and fascinates me at the same time.  There is an old antique fainting couch that is upholstered in animal print complete with bright red trim (I know, but the house isn’t a brothel).  I can smell the musty air of the place, and see the dust particles flying around in the streaks of sunlight coming through the large stained glass windows.

I continue to play with old antique porcelain dolls until the curiosity of what is upstairs gets the best of me.  I don’t know how I get upstairs, but suddenly I’m there and roaming in and out of the rooms. Rooms filled with old canopy beds, antique music boxes and furniture. By all rights I should be afraid, but I’m not. There isn’t another soul in the house that I can see, but I am not afraid. 

I find this one small door at the end of a very long hallway. I open it and go through it. Suddenly I’m in a completely different part of the house, a part that looks like it has been closed off for centuries.  I’m walking on a inside sidewalk that spirals the outside of the walls in what may have one time been a garden, but is now all grown over. I can smell the earth and hear the creaking ornate iron slats as I walk over them. 

It’s at this point in the dream that I find myself in an old bathroom. It has an old claw foot tub and the smell of powder in the air. I’m instantly terrified. Terrified to the point I can’t move, I can’t scream, I can’t do anything. I’m in a panic.
Just as I’m to the point of dream that I feel like I’m going to faint a pair of hands reach out to me. I can only see whoever this is from the elbows down. The arms are clad in red plaid sleeves. 

They reach out to me and without a word, I know I’m safe. I reach out; take the hands and suddenly I’m transported to the outside of the house across the street on the sidewalk looking at the front of the house.

 And I wake up.Always.


If you want to share your worst nightmare please email me at

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Keeping up with Halloween: My biggest fear.


I do not do well with being scared.
I get panic attacks.
I can't breath.
While I fear whatever is scaring me, the Panic attack scares the bajeezus out of me too which puts me in quite the predicament and typically just makes the attack so much worse than it should be and lost way longer than necessary.

It takes me a long time to calm down.

I am arachnophobia.
Terribly arachnophobic. Like stand there frozen in fear or run like hell screaming terrified of spiders.

Spiders scare the HELL out of me. I have tried and worked on moving on from this fear for years with limited success. In fact, the only success I've really had is being able to calmly smush a spider in my car while I'm driving. I really had to work on that though, I almost died I don't know how many times because some jerk spider decided to crawl across my steering wheel and I would spaz out nearly crashing my car into whatever was within my vicinity. Needless to say, it was something that needed to be done.

However, if the car is parked I will jump out of my car and run away screaming like hell or just freeze up and wait for it to just start crawling all over me.


I'm getting the heebejeebees just thinking about them. Also, my breathing is starting to become shallow and my heart is racing.. no need to panic.. deep breathing.. HEEEEEE..HOOOOOO...

Okay, let me continue..

It started when we lived on out first farm. There was a window just outside of my bedroom with a little step underneath. It was the PERFECT spot for a nap anytime of the year. The sun felt so good beating down on you and the carpet was just plush enough to give you a good amount of cushion, it was magical. One day, I had taken my pillow out there with me to indulge in my nap (mind you I was like 5 or 6). I fell asleep without a care or fear in the world.. little did I know that would all change in the 45 minutes I slept on my favorite step...

I heard my dad walking in and out of the house and started waking up. I was delirious, sleepy and just beginning to open my eyes... then I saw it. A spider staring at me with one of its 8 legs just tapping up and down 2 feet from my face. Naturally I freaked out thinking this monster was going to/already had laid eggs on or in me or was going to eat my brain (I had a VERY active imagination.). I ran to my bathroom only to discover there was another spider on my face. I freaked right the eff out. I knocked that teeny tiny GIGANTIC spider off my face and ran out of my house faster than a speeding bullet.

I have never been the same.

I have had a long journey trying to battle this fear and really, other than the driving thing, I am no better than when everything first happened 15 years ago. It's like everytime I see one of those things (real or fake) I relive that moment on the step or that moment in the bathroom and feel that initial panic and fear all over again.

Someday I'll share with you the tales of me camping in a spider pit
and the dreams I have about those bastards (You'd think those would be my worst nightmare, but they aren't), but for now, I'm going to grab a paper bag and do some deep breathing excercises before I end up in the corner rocking back and forth.

I don't want to go to the looney bin just yet.

What is your biggest fear? Got any weird phobias?

Monday, October 25, 2010

A Small Dose of Crazy.

It's Halloween.

I think I should get a nod for being so blatant.
*nod here*
Thank you.

I've always been haunted. Things have gone bump in the night around me for as long as I can remember.
I've heard voices, seen things, felt others.. I guess I was just one of the "lucky" ones.. right? Well, I'm just blessed.. or cursed.. depending on how you look at it. 

I'm going to tell you a story. 
One of the many I have on hand to share..

I grew up on farms. It wasn't until about a year and half ago that my family moved to the city into a newer house so I was used to the creaks and moans of an old house.

When I was 9 we moved into this old farm house. This house (at least one side) was built in the mid 1800's and was creepy. I felt really weird just being in that house let alone sleeping so I did what any 9 year old would do.. I slept in my older sister's room. After 2 months (give or take a few) my sister made me stay in my own room and I didn't sleep for a while but eventually got over it and without too many incidents.

In order to understand this story you need to meet someone..
This is my cat Peeps. She is a demon. 
So yeah, that's Peeps. She is a nightmare, but that's a story for a different day...

Peeps seems to think she is a dog and used to drink out of the toilet and as you can see, she's pretty little. She's around 10 years old and still only weighs.. maybe 10lbs. That made it ridiculously easy for her to fall into the toilet when she would drink out of it. I fished her out on many occasion. She isn't the brightest crayon in the box and never learned her lesson.

One night, right around 1:30am, I heard splashing coming from my bathroom. I got up, annoyed, thinking she had once again fallen into my toilet. I stumbled my way to the bathroom with sleepy eyes to find the lid on the toilet down. I lifted it up and there was no cat inside. I shrugged and made my way downstairs to see if maybe she was down there.. Turns out all 3 of my cats were outside wandering on our property.

I didn't think much of it and went back to bed.


I hear the splashing again and now I'm just pissed. I'm disoriented from having been asleep and woken up again so I stomp my way back to the bathroom and walk through the door to find the water running. I walked into the bathroom figuring I had just left the water running and walked forward towards the sink to turn it off.

I got about half way to the sink and I couldn't move anymore. My body was completely paralyzed by some unknown force.. perhaps presence and I stood there and watched as the water started splashing every which way as if someone was smacking their hand back and forth through the water soaking me and my bathroom to the bone. 

I watched in pure horror until it stopped abruptly and I rushed forward and turned the water off and hauled ass back to my bed and crawled under my covers and didn't resurface until late into the morning when I heard sounds of life downstairs and the sun was all but half way through the sky.

This kind of shit happened to me all the time there. No one else in my family ever had these kinds of experiences.

Basically, my family thinks I'm a little nutty because of it.
I'm a believer in the after life. 
Maybe that does make me crazy.

For another one of my ghost stories go to Midwestern Mama's page on Saturday, October 30th where I talk about the time I actually saw something.

Have you had any ghostly experiences?

Sunday, October 24, 2010


I don't usually do these. I'm terrible at them... Like.. I see I'm tagged in one, get super excited and then don't do it. I figured I'd do this one since I don't get intimate on here and figured I'd give you a little change of pace.

1. Where have you always wanted to have sex, but never have been able to?
This is an awkward question.. uh.. uh.. a beach or Italy. The beach thing will never happen because of the whole sand getting in your hoo-hah thing is really unappealing for me. As far as Italy goes.. I have to get over there first. But that's a few years off.
2. Whose one celebrity you would never fuck?
I have 2. Tom Cruise and Nicolas Cage. I think both are for obvious reasons. Tom Cruise is just a little too bat shit crazy for my taste and I'm just unimpressed by his work. Nic Cage... well, I HATE NIC CAGE. He's ugly, is a terrible actor and I gag when people talk about him, I'm fairly certain having sex with him would be the death of me.

3. If you were deserted on an island, what 2 bloggers would you want with you and why?
This is a hard one... I love so many different bloggers and I follow more blogs than most. If I had to choose I'd say Stay At Home Babe and Modern Super Momma. They rock my world and we already know we love each other.. plus we all bring something different to the table and I think that would help with our survival. Also, I wouldn't feel awkward being naked around them.

4. If you were to write your memoirs, what would you title it?
This is a good one.. I guess I don't really know. Right now, I'd probably title it Breath of Ella. It's the URL for this site and something I've just adopted for myself. I've started hearing more and more that as a person I'm like a "breath of fresh air". I took that to heart and have owned it. I hope you feel that way too.

5. Would you rather have a tapdancing penguin or a singing platypus and why?
Hands down, tap dancing penguin. cause penguins.. obviously.

6.  If you could kill one person and get away with it, who would it be and how would you do it?
Nicolas Cage. See #2 and also the fact that someone needs to get rid of that.

7. Whats one concert you would pay a million dollars to see?
It's really not a concert. I would pay a million plus some to see Idina Menzel and Kristen Chenowith and the rest of the original cast of Wicked. My favorite musical ever.

8. If you were going to host a blogger house party which bloggers would you invite and what would go down? (I think we're all going to keep this one in there).

Coyote Rose
Stay At Home Babe
Midwestern Mama H
Modern Super Momma
Sara Swears A Lot
The Bloggess
Barefoot Foodie
Mommy Wants Vodka

 and many many others but linking is a bitch right now. I think we'd all just get shitty drunk and talk about whatever. Probably pull some sweet pranks and just light up the town.

Real original I know.


Tomorrow, I will be doing a more Halloween themed bit around here. If you have any nightmares you'd like to submit for this week please send them to

Friday, October 22, 2010

Confessions of a Work-a-holic

I was asked a very interesting question today..

"What will you do with your savings?"

Let's back for a minute shall we?

"Hi, my name is Ella and I am a work-a-holic."

"Hi, Ella!"

For as long as I can remember I have been trying to find ways to make money. My sister would pay me to do her chores, I got an allowance and even convinced dad to give me a 50% raise weekly, I bargained for money, then I started getting babysitting gigs and then at the ripe old age of 15, I got my first job.

I worked for Mary Kay Cosmetics as a girl sitting behind a desk playing computer games and making good money for it. I could host parties if I wanted and had access to ALL the makeup I could get my 15 year old hands on, in other words.. It was the best job ever. Then my boss basically ran out of money and I had to find other work.

Then, I got a job working at a pizza joint as the milkshake girl. (Yes, as over used as this is, My milkshake, literal and metaphorical, brings the boys to the yard) I made milkshakes on the weekend and ran the cash register. They didn't trust me with much else though so I quit.

Then I started working for Tropical Smoothie. Which was DELICIOUS, but management was horrible in the worst way. My manager used to walk around singing "Dontcha wish yo girlfriend was hot like me?" by the Pussy Cat Dolls. Did I mention this was a 40 year old man with what I like to call "Little Man Syndrome"?  It was disturbing. They tried to make me come in when I had just had my wisdom teeth out and was drugged out of my mind.
"You are scheduled for today, you have to come in."

My response?

"Uhh, just cause I had just got my wisdom teeth out yesterday does NOT mean I'm stupid."

Yes I was on Vicodin and out of my mind.


I love having a job, the 5 or 6 months during the past 5 years that I haven't had a job I was busy working in theatre or.. nope, just working theatre and that entire time, I was going crazy because I was relying on my parents for money and I couldn't do all the things I wanted to do and drink all the booze I could get my hands on.. So on and so forth.

What can I say? I like to work. I like to make money. I like to be able to buy myself nice things because *I* earned it. I love the fact that I was able to pay off a loan (although, i did turn around and take a bigger loan out.. DAMN YOU LESABRE) and get a nicer car than both of my parents. I love that I get to run around and do what I please because *I* pay for my gas, my car insurance and the car. I love that my clothes are actually mine.. do you get the point?

I worked mostly in food and like I'm sure you've read a bajillion times on a fafillion (what? its a real number in my head) different sites about the horrors of working in the food industry. I, too, can atest to that fact. Sure, its great having cash, but holy bagoda (what does that even mean?) the crap I put up with really didn't make it worth it.

8 and 1/2 months ago I began working where I am right now in an office job, with a steady paycheck and yes, full benefits. It is lovely. I'm usually here later than I should be on a daily basis, but hey, a girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do.

I think I'd go crazy not working.
Absolutely batshit, put that girl in restraints, cover your eyes!, let the women and children go first, crazy. I stay late and get in trouble for the overtime, I work my tukus off to make sure I'm doing a good job for all of my boss' and everyone else I work with. I talk about work, I dream about work, I twitch thinking about work

*eye twitches*

It's bad.

Now, back to the original question..

What will I do with my savings?

I haven't even thought about that.. mostly because up until.. I dunno a month ago I didn't have a savings. I didn't save ANY money in high school. I didn't save any money while I was doing anything else I just spent and spent and spent until my next pay check came in. Yes, I pay all of my bills on time, yes I almost always have a full tank of gas, and yes, I always have money for food... but money that I could've been saving? no way.

I lied a little.
I save my change and that is the only money I actually save. It sits in a blue cookie jar on my floor and has probably $50 in it. I only count the change when I am 100% desperate for money. I am trying not to touch until the jar is completely filled.

So what am I saving my money for?

I honestly have no clue.
I have some ideas though..
  • Travelling the world
    • I'd really like to go to Greece in 2011 so I'm *kind of* saving for that.
  • Move out of my parents house
  • Pay off my car loan (DAMN YOU LESABRE)
  • Pay off my Student Loans (I should probably finish school first)

What will you do with your savings? Do you have one?
Any advice?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Retaliation.. in other words, I've had it up to my eyeballs.

I think Blogger has decided to wage war on me.. It won't let me comment on ANYONE with a blogger account.

I mean, some days are better than others.. but for the most part, nothin and I have had it up to my EYEBALLS with it and you've seen my over excited face from post number 1, thats the exact face I also make when I'm overly stressed out. I'd show you again here but OF COURSE, blogger's uploading picture tool is down.

What pisses me off the most is that it won't EVER let me see let alone comment on Midwestern Mama's  (she is responsible for the beautiful badge thats on the side of the site, go check her out cause she's super funny) site. It tells me the operation is aborted every. single. time.

Luckily, I have her email and can comment that way or over twitter. Otherwise.. NOTHING.

So, I am thinking about retaliating.
Getting a little revenge of my own*.

Maybe I'll:
  • move to Wordpress or Tumblr or whateverelsethereis...
  • self host (eventually, but I like free for now)
  • I'd say stop writing but I've already had my 2 month hiatus.
  • bug them on twitter.
  • send emails up the a*hole that way that are pure bitching
  • possible stake out and egg the blogger headquarters
Okay, so I'm realizing there really isn't much you could do to get revenge/retaliate.
shit. damn you computers and the fact that I'm doing this for myself and not anyone else.. DAMN YOU.

So let me ask you...

What would you do?

On a heavier note..

A friend of my family's father (isn't that a mouthful) was killed in a plane crash on Monday evening near the thumb of Michigan.

Please keep their family as well as ours in your prayers, your meditation, your good vibes.. whatever it is you do... maybe just in your thoughts is a general and good way of putting it. :)

*Just for the record, I am 100% joking in all of this and would never do such a thing, I am merely venting my frustration. Please don't kick me off blogger or send me to jail. thanks.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


In the spirit of Halloween I am going to tell you about my worst nightmare.

It's this recurring dream I have and have had for years and frankly, it scares me absolutely shitless. I wake up in a cold sweat crying every single time.

It starts out in an amusement park, much like Cedar Point only its all themed rides. There are disney rides, kitchen (yes, the place you cook) rides etc.. etc.. but much like the Dragster at Cedar Point, the main thrill ride is the Dino Ride.

It is this huge weaving coaster that goes directly through a T-Rex's mouth.

Do you see where this is going yet?

So, I'm a huge thrill seeker apparently out to prove something by riding this monster (literally) of a ride all by myself, front car. I get in and the chest bars (is that what they are called) come down on me and I try to latch it, but it doesn't work and the ride starts up anyways.

The ride starts to crank up the hill, one notch at a time and I'm watching the T-Rex the entire time and it seems to me I saw it blink.

"It's plastic Ella, there is no way it is blinking at you."

But then, it blinks again, puffs snorts some air at me and detaches itself from the ride with its eyes clearly on me.

At this point, I'm grateful I never had to latch my chest bar, I jump out and manage to escape his first attempt at eating me. I run around the under body of the ride and the T-Rex is on my tail the entire time. He screams/roars up and down so angry he can't get to me. His eyes are blood red and his gigantic tail swings trying to knock me over.

The little one would be me, running for my damn life.

For a long time I was safe underneath anything from the ride.

Now, the dream has evolved and the mother effin' T-Rex can jump and I am only safe standing directly under the track of the ride. There is no escape. I am stuck underneath this roller coaster waiting for this damn T-Rex to come and eat me.

Did I mention that because of this dream I am absolutely horrified of Tyrannosaurus Rex's? Cause I am. I think that Night at the Museum and Toy Story (all 3) are the only movies I can watch that have T-Rex's in them that don't make me piddle in my pants a bit.

So, now that I've given you my worst nightmare as well as the most ridiculous phobia ever, which I couldn't find the actual phobia name for so if you know it please share, what is your worst nightmare?

Effin' scary right?

I'd love to feature your worst nightmare, if you are interested please feel free to email me at, I'd like to feature some of these in these final weeks of the Haunted Halloween Season.

Friday, October 15, 2010

I apparently have no heart.

I couldn't wait any longer.

So, here it is the big debut.. launch.. grand entrance


This is... dun da da duuu DAHHHH (imagine a superhero's arrival song thingy) (does that make any sense?)...


Not gonna lie, I totally heard that echoey announcer voice in my head as I wrote that. You know, like that awkward voice in commercials advertising some sweet new toy? No? Perhaps you should watch more TV...

You see, I worked really hard (as well as some other fabulous people) to get this site up and running. I'm still debating on the self hosting bit.. its appearing to be a little out of my budget for the time being.. one day...

I have some really awesome stuff lined up for you over here. I've convinced to people to share some stories with us (check out the douche nugg page, he's one of them, aka *c from Can You Dig It?) and maybe even use offensive  funny accents as a way to get ya'lls attention.

Without further ado, I will give you my latest and greatest crap thats happening in my life.

1. My adopted nephew, Eli, was born yesterday and is 100% perfect. I'll share pictures with you when I have more than 2 of the cuteness and 1 of me looking absolutely disgusting.

2. I got a new car, I know you all were SUPER worried about that.

3. I may or may not be going to Florida the week of Thanksgiving (please give suggestions of places to go if you have any)

4. Work is work. Stressful, crazy and fun on occasion.

5. I discovered Netflix and it is the best thing since sliced bread (I dare you to challenge me on that).

yeahh.. that was a dull boring list, sorry my life is not that entertaining at the moment. I think that as soon as I came up with the new concept of my life being under a magnifying glass the universe was all

"we'll show her, she thinks she just has crazy shit happen to her all the time, I wonder how she'll feel when her life is completely normal"

I just puckered my lips and did that head nod thing the entire time I wrote that out..
In fact, I'm still puckering my lips...

Okay now that that is settled.

Here is something else for my darlings.

This shit you probably don't care to know, but I'm going to tell you anyways.

1. I'm young.. like 20 young. But, I own my age, myself and all aspects of my life despite that minor mistep. (okay, so not all aspects, but I'm working on it people. DON'T JUDGE ME.)

2. I am possibly the worst person in the world to give a camera to. I get all into it for about 2 minutes and snap picture after picture, then I'm too busy livin' it up to give a shit and take a damn picture (something I need to work on)

3. Stay At Home Babe asked me to talk about the first time I let a boy touch my boobs and I've thought about it all day long and can honestly say that I do not recall that little diddy. What probably happened was I was kissing a boy and he decided to go for it, and instead of pushing his hand away, I just let it slide well, his hand slide, all around 'em. What? I didn't want to come off as a prude, but I wasn't going to let him go any farther than that. Nothing super awesome.. Damn. (check her out, she's effin' hot) oh and HI MOM.

4. I told the most EPIC scary round story ever with 6 of my favorite people. We had some rules:
  •  the characters had to be stereotypical scary movie characters
    • virgin, jock, slut, black guy, goth/emo chick and gay guy
  • One of us had to be the killer
  • One sentence at a time
  • Everyone had to participate.
It was amazing and horrifying. I couldn't believe how bad we scared ourselves. I'll be sharing that story as a special Halloween post.

5. I think all #firstworldproblem jokes are absolutely hysterical.
  1. Starbucks was out of iced coffee, #firstworldproblems.
  2. I got way too much sleep last night, #firstworldproblems.
  3. I have to go to work today, #firstworldproblems.
  4. Stupid vending machine was out of coke zero, so now I have to drink diet coke, #firstworldproblems.
They are epic and will make appearances around here often.

6. I want a new tattoo something fierce.. well, at least I want to finish my quote on my back. then I'll leave my body alone for a while.

7. I'm a little tiny white girl living in what people call the scariest city in the US. I walk out of my house like BRING IT ON and have walked around downtown (even scarier parts) all by myself at night. Yeah, I like to think of myself as a bad ass.. what you don't know is when I see my car I practically run to it with my key sticking through my index and middle fingers just in case some jerkoff decides to attack me.. then I can key his eyes out! (clearly I need to take a few steps back..)

8. My best friend (douche nugg) got a Droid phone this last week. We downloaded the heart monitor application. I placed my finger over the camera like it told me to and nothing happened. So Chris tried it out and VOILA he had a steady, normal heart beat. After that victory, I opted to try again. Still got nothing. Clearly Droid phones think I'm heartless.

Welp, that's what I've got for my first post. I have so many exciting stories to tell you, I can hardly contain myself.

Yes, that is me, hardly containing myself. Please disregard how shiny my face is. kthanks.