Friday, October 15, 2010

I apparently have no heart.

I couldn't wait any longer.

So, here it is the big debut.. launch.. grand entrance

whatever.

This is... dun da da duuu DAHHHH (imagine a superhero's arrival song thingy) (does that make any sense?)...

BREATH OF ELLA.

Not gonna lie, I totally heard that echoey announcer voice in my head as I wrote that. You know, like that awkward voice in commercials advertising some sweet new toy? No? Perhaps you should watch more TV...

You see, I worked really hard (as well as some other fabulous people) to get this site up and running. I'm still debating on the self hosting bit.. its appearing to be a little out of my budget for the time being.. one day...

I have some really awesome stuff lined up for you over here. I've convinced to people to share some stories with us (check out the douche nugg page, he's one of them, aka *c from Can You Dig It?) and maybe even use offensive  funny accents as a way to get ya'lls attention.

Without further ado, I will give you my latest and greatest crap thats happening in my life.

1. My adopted nephew, Eli, was born yesterday and is 100% perfect. I'll share pictures with you when I have more than 2 of the cuteness and 1 of me looking absolutely disgusting.

2. I got a new car, I know you all were SUPER worried about that.

3. I may or may not be going to Florida the week of Thanksgiving (please give suggestions of places to go if you have any)

4. Work is work. Stressful, crazy and fun on occasion.

5. I discovered Netflix and it is the best thing since sliced bread (I dare you to challenge me on that).

yeahh.. that was a dull boring list, sorry my life is not that entertaining at the moment. I think that as soon as I came up with the new concept of my life being under a magnifying glass the universe was all

"we'll show her, she thinks she just has crazy shit happen to her all the time, I wonder how she'll feel when her life is completely normal"

I just puckered my lips and did that head nod thing the entire time I wrote that out..
In fact, I'm still puckering my lips...

Okay now that that is settled.

Here is something else for my darlings.

This shit you probably don't care to know, but I'm going to tell you anyways.

1. I'm young.. like 20 young. But, I own my age, myself and all aspects of my life despite that minor mistep. (okay, so not all aspects, but I'm working on it people. DON'T JUDGE ME.)

2. I am possibly the worst person in the world to give a camera to. I get all into it for about 2 minutes and snap picture after picture, then I'm too busy livin' it up to give a shit and take a damn picture (something I need to work on)

3. Stay At Home Babe asked me to talk about the first time I let a boy touch my boobs and I've thought about it all day long and can honestly say that I do not recall that little diddy. What probably happened was I was kissing a boy and he decided to go for it, and instead of pushing his hand away, I just let it slide well, his hand slide, all around 'em. What? I didn't want to come off as a prude, but I wasn't going to let him go any farther than that. Nothing super awesome.. Damn. (check her out, she's effin' hot) oh and HI MOM.

4. I told the most EPIC scary round story ever with 6 of my favorite people. We had some rules:
  •  the characters had to be stereotypical scary movie characters
    • virgin, jock, slut, black guy, goth/emo chick and gay guy
  • One of us had to be the killer
  • One sentence at a time
  • Everyone had to participate.
It was amazing and horrifying. I couldn't believe how bad we scared ourselves. I'll be sharing that story as a special Halloween post.

5. I think all #firstworldproblem jokes are absolutely hysterical.
  1. Starbucks was out of iced coffee, #firstworldproblems.
  2. I got way too much sleep last night, #firstworldproblems.
  3. I have to go to work today, #firstworldproblems.
  4. Stupid vending machine was out of coke zero, so now I have to drink diet coke, #firstworldproblems.
They are epic and will make appearances around here often.

6. I want a new tattoo something fierce.. well, at least I want to finish my quote on my back. then I'll leave my body alone for a while.

7. I'm a little tiny white girl living in what people call the scariest city in the US. I walk out of my house like BRING IT ON and have walked around downtown (even scarier parts) all by myself at night. Yeah, I like to think of myself as a bad ass.. what you don't know is when I see my car I practically run to it with my key sticking through my index and middle fingers just in case some jerkoff decides to attack me.. then I can key his eyes out! (clearly I need to take a few steps back..)

8. My best friend (douche nugg) got a Droid phone this last week. We downloaded the heart monitor application. I placed my finger over the camera like it told me to and nothing happened. So Chris tried it out and VOILA he had a steady, normal heart beat. After that victory, I opted to try again. Still got nothing. Clearly Droid phones think I'm heartless.

Welp, that's what I've got for my first post. I have so many exciting stories to tell you, I can hardly contain myself.


Yes, that is me, hardly containing myself. Please disregard how shiny my face is. kthanks.

5 comments:

  1. Yeahy!! Its here ..... looks great. Cant wait to commence with all the reading =]

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  2. OH MY GOD how had I not heard of the first world problems hashtag yet? That shit is HILARIOUS.

    Also, I can't wait for this scary story business.

    Also, your picture is adorable and your face is not too shiny you're the cutest so stop it. : )

    Love your new site!

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  3. Mama - THANKS! I am super excited to get moving and start writing again. There are going to be a lot of changes coming up, but I think that its going to be fantastic and fun!

    Sara - First world problems is probably the funniest thing ever. Just add the tag to ANYTHING you complain about and BAM, first world problem and hours of laughing.

    Scary story will be posted sometime next week!

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  4. Number 7 is so completely and totally me!

    And I love the #firstworldproblems

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  5. I get myself in more trouble doing that than anything else. I need to really consider my surroundings more.. however, I don't wander too much these days after the serial killer..

    ReplyDelete