|I missed this one the other day. We have mastered the duck face.|
And not the typical girl change where something big happens and you color and cut your hair.
I'm talking BIG CHANGE.
a change of location, lifestyle, personality, whatever.. I just need a change.
I need to feel like something is happening in my life again.
I want to feel excited to get up and go out.
But I'm not.
I don't feel excited and I certainly don't feel like I'm accomplishing much.
*yes, I'm going to be a bit of a Debbie Downer here, bear with me.*
My life has been all shambly and just flat out depressing for a while now. With the break up and some other craptastic things happening, I've been struggling day to day to keep my mind occupied enough to keep away from the bad thoughts. That usually means I am completely blocked when it comes to writing and why my new site that I was so excited about has been so severely neglected.
This is why I haven't even written in my own journal, where I am the ONLY one to read, in months.
It's a nasty road that I've been down before, this damn depression thing. I kicked it's ass last year and I am fighting tooth and nail to defeat it again this year.. Not that it ever truly goes away, I just learned to keep my beasts at bay while life continues to move on.
When meeting new people they always ask people my age where they are going to school, what they are studying yadee yada yada.. you probably know what I'm talking about... and when you are surrounded by people talking about school and their life dreams/goals its really hard to sit there and say..
"Oh, me? I'm not in school right now, haven't been for about a year now.. I just work. A lot."
It's getting to be embarrassing.
I'm ashamed of the choices I've made in some respects.
Luckily, I have applied to go back to school and have sent in all the corresponding paperwork in order to make this a reality because DAMMIT, I'm ready. I'm ready to get my life started.
Which brings me to what Florida made me realize..
I don't have anything truly tying me to Michigan except for my family and my job. But let's get real, my job is temporary. A few years and they'll be searching for my replacement because I'll be moving onto greener pastures and a career I actually enjoy. Family is obviously irreplaceable, at least to me, but it wouldn't be the end of the world if i left.
It showed me there are opportunities for me other places. I knew that before, but I guess it didn't dawn on me till I was there, standing in Disney World or driving all over the state, that I could do whatever I wanted, I am completely capable.
I am so able and so ready.
Which is why I've started planning.
I'm planning my big move. Literally.
Starting January 1, 2011 I will be saving my tushy off in order to move out of this place and get going with my life.
I'm telling you, I need a change.
and I think that change has to be location.
I'm going to attempt to write a little every day this week in order to make up for my serious lack of effort as well as to just get my juices flowing again.
I promise the rest of it won't be so blah and drab.
I'll share some embarrassing stories or something.
that should keep you coming back.. right?
Well, I can't say I blame you if you leave. I've not been a very good writer to you..
ALSO, the story of my friend meeting her father.
and me facing my insecurities.
It should get interesting around here.