Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Taking ME back.

I need a vacation.

My life is just a hot mess.

What I don't understand is why in the hell do I feel bad about everything?!

Okay, I told you a few posts back I'd let you in on what's going on in my life, here goes nothing.

My boyfriend of 2 years and I broke up.
In fact, I was the one that did the breaking because I just wasn't happy anymore. I tried for 6 months to be happy with him and nothing worked. He controlled my emotions and me as a whole and it took me a year and a half to realize it.

I lost friends and made enemies.
That was my fault, I'm the one who pushed these people away because he didn't want me to see them or just wanted to take up all my time. It was my choice to stay, it was my choice to be a home body if I wasn't going to be with him/by his side, it was all MY choice.

I was a damn fool.

What's funny to me is that even though the hurtful things he and other people are saying to me are hurting/getting to me (after a little over a month) I really think I'm leaving with a better deal.

Yesterday, after I cried my eyes out, I finally applied to go back to school. Yes, I finally took a step in the right direction on that front. I just gotta get my transcripts over to the school and wait 2 weeks..

I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want (money being the only issue) and it is a beautiful thing.

I'm getting *some* of my friends back day by day.
The ones that I've lost I suppose were never truly my friend in the first place.

Other than today, I'm waking up happy.
There is a lot to be said with that since I haven't woken up so much as 4 or 5 times in the past.. well.. 2 years.

The other amazing thing?

I'm going to Florida next week.

When I originally told him about this trip, he told me he would leave me if I went.

I'm going.
I'm missing Thanksgiving with my family.* (I love you all and I WILL miss you dearly.)
I'm doing this for me.
I finally get to live my life for me again.

and I'm going to Florida.

*My mom was REALLY against this trip until it dawned on her that the ex had actually told my I wasn't allowed to go. Now, she is all about it, telling me its my chance to finally do something without fear of consequences and to get back out there and live all over again


  1. Yes. You were a damn fool.

    But we all are sometimes. Good for you!

    I am all about new beginnings these days and can't wait to watch yours unfold! Congrats!

  2. Good girl! Go, have fun, and bag your clothes! *bedbug heebiejeebie*

  3. Have a good time in Florida! You did the right thing :)

  4. Good for you! Sometimes we don't realize how someone else is controlling our lives and the freedom is both liberating and terrifying.

    You did the right thing. So relax, have fun and stuff your face on Thanksgiving!

  5. I seriously want to kiss you all.

    I have the best support from all of you and despite the shitty things that keep coming up, I'm starting to feel better.. Day by day.

    I can't wait to show you all the dress (good photos and an ass shot for you Babe) I got to make myself feel spectacular.

    I'm very excited. :]

  6. Also, @Cort - Bedbugs are disgusting and totally give me the HEEBIEJEEBIES!

  7. I remember how things were so different when the relationship ended between me and my last boyfriend. I finally started being the person I wanted to be, not the person that fit into his life. It was truly amazing.

    Good for you and have a blast in Florida!